More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
