The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
