I puked a lego.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize