i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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