So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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