Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
