ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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