I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
