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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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