We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I am mentally ready for anal.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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