It's Friday. Sex?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i drank out of a bidet.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
