After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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