Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
