I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
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