Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
