Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
