hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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