we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's blow job season.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
