I want to have your abortion
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
