i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
