This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
