Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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