There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Can I color on your dick again?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
