I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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