Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
