I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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