My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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