I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
