I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
