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on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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