So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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