Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
