yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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