i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
did i walk over a car last night?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Randomize
