Where is the hickey?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
