When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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