I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
