I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
