that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
