she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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