Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
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