New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
