after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
