You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize