I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
