I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize