Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
