I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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