just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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