I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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