he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize