would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
it's like iHOP with fire
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
