before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Can vaginas get frostbite?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
