i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My bed smells like the plague
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
