Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
