Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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