Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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