well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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