K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
