youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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