one might say we're banned from that church
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
