Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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