i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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