why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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