Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
