tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
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